Christmas can ruin your sex life. Fact.
We don’t get our Scrooge on very often in the Harmony office, but I have a very ‘Bah Humbug’ attitude when it comes to the festive season and how it messes up my sex life.
Here’s 5 ways Christmas can ruin your sex life and the fixes needed to make sure you still get sleighed this X-Mas.
People are always around
Family, kids, friends. There’s no escaping any of them, because there’s always someone that needs entertaining, or you’re due to be travelling to some far flung relatives house, which means that lazy Saturday morning sex becomes a distant memory.
Worse yet, is when you have to go back to your parent’s place, or stay with the in-laws, for the whole holiday season. We all know sex in a parental home feels mildly guilt ridden and wrong especially when you’ve become so used to the freedoms of having your own place. Sex at a parent’s house instantly causes you to regress to early 20s, before you flew the coop, and were forced to have silent, frantic sex in the hope that you could get your rocks off before them downstairs noticed what you and your â€œcompanyâ€ might be up to in your bedroom.
Still, after a few days, your natural urges (or total boredom) means you’ll try it anyway.
Sex Fix: Either wait until everyone goes out of the house â€“ although you could be waiting forever â€“ or try Stealth Sex. The quieter the better. A gag could help muffle those moans, or a whisper silent vibrator would be ideal for satisfying solo moments.
When it comes to sex Christmas parties are a minefield, especially the annual office X-Mas shindig. If we’re honest, who’s not going to take advantage of the free bar that the boss has laid on?!
It’s after guzzling several beers, or a bottle and a half of free vino that you realise the Christmas party is the only chance to make your move on the office totty â€“ a person who in every day circumstances you find only mildly attractive, but within the Office Party Environment, all logic and reason goes out the window.
Problem with this is the result is bad drunken sex, or drunk sex with someone you really shouldn’t have got your leg over.
Either way, it results in the depressing fact that your last sexual experience of the year is probably a total let down and said totty, sadly, isn’t as good in the sack as your office daydreams had led you to believe.
Sex Fix: In this situation, there’s no way the sex is going to be mind-blowing, but simple things like textured condoms, a dab of lubricant, or a well-positioned disposable cock ring might help to salvage some of that Christmas party passion you momentarily found while fumbling under the mistletoe.
Why bother with sex when there’s so much good stuff on the TV? It’s the only time of year that you can put on your pyjamas, snuggle down on the sofa and grab the TV guide and remain in said position for days on end without anyone judging you.
Sex Fix: Look, we love watching Elf as much as the next person, but don’t let your sex life become sub to the Christmas specials on the box. Quickie sex is what’s needed here. Go for a big, powerful vibe to reach orgasm in a fraction of the time, or a bit of wham, bam thank you mam style sex with the SO during the ad breaks.
Christmas is a time of plenty. Sod the diet, it’s festive season, so drink and eat until you’re blue in the face. However, eating so much you feel you might pop often means you’re too full to frolic and hey, we don’t blame you. We’d happily take that third serving of roast dinner too â€œbecause it’s Christmasâ€ or have an extra mince pie after breakfast â€œjust because you canâ€.
Sex Fix: Opt for morning sex, specifically pre-breakfast nookie. Besides the fact you won’t have had chance to eat yourself into a food coma at this point, there is research to suggest having morning sex will put you in a better mood for the rest of the day and help to boost your immune system.
The Wrong Gift
Get the wrong present and you’ll be on your other half’s naughty list for more than you care to imagine. Christmas yields grudges when it comes to getting the right present. Mess up and sex will be out of the question until at least New Year.
Sex Fix: Avoid disappointment and choose something special, and sexy, from our hand-picked Harmony Christmas Gift Guide.