How to review sex toys

How to review sex toys and why bother?

Internet shopping is brilliant – you’ve not got to deal with crowds of people or pushy sales staff – but there are limitations when looking at products on a computer screen too. How big is it, really? What does it feel like? What’s the difference between one item and another apart from the price?

This is when, if you’re a savvy internet shopper, you turn to the reviews attached to the product which will hopefully offer that extra bit of info you need to help you make up your mind.
Sex toys are no different, especially as we’re becoming more and more educated about what makes a good (or bad) sex toy. Maybe you’ve already experienced how useful it was to read a review or two about the vibe you’ve had your eye on to make sure it lived up to real life expectations.

Providing reviews is not just useful to other customers, but to us too because they let us know what’s going down well with you guys, so we can keep stocking the type of products you want.
Taking the time to write even just a sentence or two can make the difference between someone picking one vibrator over another. But how should you go about writing a useful, and interesting, sex toy review? We asked some of the top sex toy reviewers in the business for their advice and here’s what they suggested.

Be honest

No one wants to read a review that paints a false picture of a product, so the number one thing to remember is to be honest. “The reason people read real person reviews is because they get a real opinion, rather than an advert or promo,” says award winning reviewer, Cara Sutra.

Sex toy reviewer and blogger Epiphora advises, “Good reviews – of anything really – have one important thing in common: they’re specific, opinionated and unapologetic. The reader should finish reading your review knowing exactly what the writer thought of the toy.” Achieve this by using definitive statements, such as “I liked this…” or “I hated that it…” to make sure you get your point across completely.

How does it feel - sex toy reviews - Emmeline Peaches

What should you put in your review?

The priority of your review should be to let other customers know how it feels. While product descriptions cover how a toy works and all the technical details, it can’t describe how it feels when in use. “Your experience is what matters,” says blogger Emmeline Peaches. “People read sex toy reviews to know how the toy feels, not what the toy does.”

Male sex toy blogger Ruffled Sheets agrees. “Answering ‘how does the toy feel?’ is probably the most important thing to remember. Too many reviews don’t tell the reader enough about how the toy actually feels, or how it behaves.”

It’s easy to see from a picture on a product page how an item looks and what type of box it might come in, so instead describe details that can’t be as easily communicated on screen. “Think about what made you buy the toy and what questions you had when looking at it, as this is likely to be what other people want to know when they’re reading the review,” explains Lisa from Boobaloo’s Reviews. Once you’ve tried the toy out, describe “What were the vibration speeds like? Was the material particularly nice? Was the shape of it good and hit the spots it was meant to, or did it fall short somewhere? Did it sound like a jackhammer, or a bumblebee? Did it smell funny? These are all things people want to know,” says Lisa.

If the highest setting left something to be desired, say so. If it’s hands-free and successfully stayed in place, mention it. If the texture on the sex toy felt too hard, or stimulated the right zones, flag it up. These are all things that can’t be put across in product descriptions and is exactly the kind of info gap your review can fill.

Key points to include

Your sex toy review doesn’t have to be hundreds of words long and it’s possible to get your point across in just a few sentences if that’s all you have time to write. Here are some key points your review should include:

  • What you liked/didn’t like about it
  • What was your experience when using it – how did it feel
  • Who would you recommend uses this sex toy
Sex toy reviewer - Cara Sutra

All of the sex toys! Life as a reviewer.

It’s ok to say you didn’t like it

“If a product truly sucks, it sucks. Don’t be afraid to say so,” says Cara Sutra. “If this is the case, back up your opinion with your personal experience and be considerate in the language you use.”

Not every product is going to tick all of your sexual preference boxes, but might do for someone else, so it’s worth bearing that in mind before totally slating an item.

Matt and Erika from Oh Joy Sex Toy try to keep their reviews upbeat and recognise that everyone’s body and preferences can be different. “When we review a bad toy we try to emphasise the positives, saying things like ‘it wasn’t for us, but might be for you’. That’s not to say we endorse bad sex toys, we just recognise that something that doesn’t work for us, may very well be ace for somebody else. It’s a consideration for the folks out there who the toy will work for. You’re not just reviewing a toy, you’re showcasing it to a diverse audience, so try to make everyone feel good and included.”

If in doubt as to whether a toy worked for you, or not, then give it a second chance. While first impressions are important, you may find that your opinion changes over time. “Definitely try out a toy more than once before reviewing it,” says Lisa. Experiment with using the sex toy in a different position, or setting as this could affect your enjoyment of the toy. Also, as Lisa explains, “the more times you try a toy, the better your review will be,” because the more detailed and accurate you can be about what you liked or didn’t like.

Remember, we’re not writing erotica here

As you’re reviewing a sex toy there’s bound to be a certain level of intimate detail, but there’s no need to go over the top, porno-style X-rated explicit. The point is to offer a practical review of the sex toy, not write a steamy, erotica-type account of your experience. Other sites have that angle covered better than we do!

Lingerie can be reviewed too

It’s not just sex toys that people want to know about. How well a piece of lingerie stands up to the bedroom test is useful too. You may think there’s only so much you can say about a pair of knickers, but you’d be surprised.

“Reviewing lingerie can be a minefield, because people vary in shape, height and size, as well as each brand sizing items so differently” explains Cara, “but here’s what I’d want to know if reading a review as a potential buyer:

  • Is it true to size? For example, is it really a UK size 12 or does it come up short in some areas?
  • Is it worth the price? Think about the material, how durable is it? How sexy is it to you and how often have you worn it since buying?
  • How does the lingerie look on a person without photo editing, or if they’re not a model? Include a photo if you can, or if not try to describe where it flattered you, or where it fell short.”
    Review harmony products with stars

    Quick & easy review. Simply give the toy a star rating out of 5.

    An even easier way to review sex toys

    If you really don’t have time to write a few words, then no problem. We’ve also got our simple star rating system so with just three clicks you can let Harmony shoppers know what you thought about your recent purchase.

    Rate the product out of 5 based on the quality of the product, the price and whether you think it’s good quality for the money. Click submit and you’re done.

    Start reviewing

    Bought something from us recently? Head to Harmony Store and start reviewing products you’ve tried.

2 Thoughts on “How to review sex toys”

  1. […] If you want to write a sex toy review, whether on the product page of the website you bought it from, or on your very own sex blog – or as part of my Pleasure Panel of guest reviewers – you might like some helpful tips on how to go about it. What to include, what other readers will want to know, what not to do – that sort of thing. You’re in luck. Harmony Store have put together a brilliant advice guide on how to write a sex toy review. […]

  2. I agree with this article.

    I run a sex toy review blog and I am very honest and open about products, I am not bias towards the company that has sent me an item to review.

    If the product is brilliant, good concept, good body-safe materials, works well but simply doesn’t float my boat, I will say this. It may not suit me but may suit others. On the other hand, if the products is terrible, I will inform my readers of this too and what I personally think would make it a better product.

    I feel reviewers are a ‘must have’ for any products, be it sex toys to make up.

    Making online purchases can be a headache, as you can not physically see/feel them, so us reviewers are that added link, in giving a buyer a better view into something they want.

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